fatkid

fatkid

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Fat Kid Pasta Amatriciana


Ever since visiting Rome a couple of years ago, I've been recreating certain dishes and attempting to come close to the food I tasted throughout my pasta-filled journey. During my stay, I enjoyed plate after plate of Italian gastronomic perfection, to the point that you would have thought I had never seen pasta in my life. It's that good.

This adventure through carb-land highlighted many instant favorites that are simply not the same when experienced in America. Realizing that I can't simply hop on a plane to Italy whenever I want fresh pasta, I decided that I needed to learn how to make it myself. Honestly, I could have fresh pasta on it's own with nothing more than garlic, olive oil, parmesan and red pepper and still have my mind fucking blown, but I also wanted to attempt to master one of my favorite dishes that I tasted in the small town of Tivoli.

The pasta amatriciana I had in that town stood out instantly. It probably had something to do with the pork fat. I realized at that moment that I needed to make this and make it well, and I think I've finally arrived at that point. Allow me to explain.

You'll need this:

  • 1 lb. of pancetta or guanciale
  • 2 onions, chopped
  • 2 28oz cans of crushed tomatoes
  • 3 cloves of garlic, chopped
  • 2 bay leaves
  • died oregano
  • crushed red pepper
  • salt
  • pepper
  • extra virgin olive oil
  • reggiano parmesan
  • 1 lb. of fresh pasta
Start with the fatty pork goodness. You can generally find sliced pancetta in any grocery store, which you'll need to chop into strips. I got a half pound of some super-expensive-locally-made-hot-shit from some specialty store, along with a half pound of guanciale, which is harder to find, but it's what this dish is traditionally made with. But if it's not a special occasion, just head to Whole Foods.

Pour about a tablespoon of olive oil into a large, cold pan and add all of your pancetta. Turn the heat to medium. You want to slowly let this stuff cook until it's crispy. Cooking it slow like this will render out the most fat, which is what you want to do in this case. It should take about 20 minutes.



Once the fat has rendered out and the pancetta is nice and crispy, remove a quarter of the pancetta from the pan and eat that shit up with a spoon like it's cereal.
Ok wait, only do that if you're alone. And I really do mean alone.
If not, reserve that pancetta for later.

At this point, add your chopped onion and stir everything together. Salt the onions generously, as this will help pull out the sweet, natural juices of the onion. Add the dried oregano, freshed cracked pepper, as well as crushed red pepper, depending on how much heat you like in your pasta sauce. Leave the heat on medium and sweat the onions until they're translucent and tender, looking like this.


Turn the heat to medium-high and add your garlic, stirring until fragrant, about a minute.
Add the crushed tomatoes and stir to incorporate.
Add the bay leaves.
Bring this up till it's nice and bubbly and reduce the heat to medium low, allowing the sauce to simmer for about 45 minutes to an hour.
Taste it throughout and adjust the seasoning as needed. I always add more salt and pepper after adding the tomatoes, because it needs it.


As the sauce is finishing up, get your pasta on sonnnn.
I am no expert on making fresh pasta. I just started making it so give me a break people. All you need is eggs, flour, a pasta roller, and Google. I found out how to make it here, so I'm not going to get into detail about that. I am going to show you pictures though.




You can use regular dried pasta if you want, I do that all the time and this is still an awesome dish. But if you want to make people O in their pants, fresh pasta will do the job every time.

Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Salt the water and add your pasta. Cook the pasta until it's almost al dente, so just a little shorter than usual. The pasta will finish cooking in the sauce.

Drain the pasta and add it back to the pot over medium heat. Spoon enough sauce out of your pot and add it to the pasta, just enough to stir and  incorporate everything to make the pasta happy. At this point, you want to pour olive oil over everything, as well as the parmesan cheese, stirring all the while. This helps marry the sauce and the pasta together. Once the pasta is cooked and fully incorporated with the sauce, turn off the heat and serve, topping with additional sauce if desired, parmesan cheese, and the reserved pancetta for a crispy garnish.

I made this for Christmas Eve dinner. In my family, we traditionally have pasta with red sauce and shrimp on Christmas Eve, so I quickly sauteed some shrimp in olive oil, which go great on top of everything as well. That's just extra though.


This takes me back to Tivoli. Pasta tastes so much better when it was just made 5 minutes before you've put it in your fat mouth. Seriously. When it's perfectly cooked and tossed in this delicious sauce, you'll forget about that Americanized-Olive-Garden-horse-shit and want to eat this all the time. I'm not being a snob people. Italians just do it better than us. We take what they do and fuck it all up.

If you're a friend of mine and dont feel like going through the trouble to make this, I'll probably make it for you in the near future, because I love doing it. But if I don't really know you, don't go emailing me, asking me to make it for you, because I'll probably get all awkward with you.

Now go eat this and say thank you to all the Italians.

- Fat Kid


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

My Blog Sucks Right Now

I know I know, I've slacked off for the past week or so. It's not like I don't have stuff to write about, because I definitely do. I just think Christmas makes me lazy. Well, maybe it's not Christmas directly. It's probably the home-made chocolate chop cookies, the fresh pasta tossed with local pancetta, the log of roast tenderloin with horseradish cream, or the 3 am scotch tastings that I associate with the holiday. But having consumed all of these things for days on end, I was in no condition to write about anything, let alone food or alcohol.

I'll fill you in on the whole fresh pasta thing, my attempt at cooking "Asian" food, and my experience with, quite possibly, the best pho in Northern Virginia.

Bear with me please.

- Fat Kid

Monday, December 20, 2010

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Risotto with Sweet Corn and Chorizo


Risotto is not only one of my favorite things to eat, but it’s also one of my favorite dishes to cook. I like cooking food that takes a little extra time, a little extra attention, and requires a little extra love to turn out the way it really should. It definitely takes practice, as I’ve probably made it a billion times. There’s a pretty basic method as to how you should do it, but what you add to it and how you flavor it can really make your belly happy.

This is actually only my 2nd attempt with this particular recipe, as I just tried it out over Thanksgiving. It was definitely a hit, but I think it still needs some tweaking. This makes for a great side dish, or you can just be a fat ass and eat the whole damn pot of it. There is nothing wrong with that. I’ve done it before and felt great about myself afterwards. If you’d like to make this yourself, keep reading. Here is what you’ll need:

  • 1 cup of aborio rice
  • 1 box of chicken stock
  • ¼ cup white wine
  • 2 ears of corn on the cob
  • ¼ cup of dried chorizo
  • 1 shallot
  • 3 tbs. of butter
  • extra virgin olive oil
  • fresh parsley
  • Parmesan cheese
  • dried oregano
  • salt
  • pepper
Pour all of the chicken stock into a small pot and bring it to a boil. Once it’s boiling, turn down the heat so that it remains simmering.

Meanwhile:

Finley chop the shallot and the parsley.
The dried chorizo can be tough to find (Wegman’s has it) but it’s necessary for textural reasons. You probably only need about a ¼ cup of this stuff. It packs a serious flavor punch and it can easily dominate the entire thing if you fuck this up. Slice it up into nice little cubes.  Also take the ears of corn and slide a knife along the sides to remove the corn from its core.


Coat the bottom of a pan with the olive oil and add 1 tbs. of butter as well over medium heat. Add the shallot and the parsley, sauteing until soft. Turn the heat to medium-high and add the rice into the pan, stirring constantly. You’re just trying to get the rice nice and toasty, until all the grains are opaque around the edges and white in the middle. You need to keep stirring it, otherwise the grains will burn and you’ll have some shitty risotto. This should really only take about a minute.

At this point, add the wine. Continue stirring. It should reduce pretty quickly. Once the wine has almost reduced completely, this is where you begin ladling in the hot chicken stock. Pour in just enough at a time so that it barely covers the rice in the pan. Adjust the heat if necessary and continue stirring. It should be bubbling, but not boiling like crazy. This is also where I would add salt and pepper to taste. And the dried oregano.


Stand there and watch it cook, stirring regularly. You need to keep stirring it so that it cooks evenly. This is what you do when you cook risotto, so it’s kind of hard to really be doing anything else while this is all going down. As the stock cooks down to where the rice is almost dry, ladle in more stock and continue stirring, repeating this process until complete.

In regards to timing, I generally find that the rice is done by the time you are out of stock (20 minutes or so). Taste it though, because you don’t want to cook it to the point of mush.

I didn’t add the corn or the chorizo until about less than half of the sock was left. I wanted the corn to still have a bite to it, while the chorizo really just needs to soften up so that it’s not overly chewy. Taste it again and adjust the seasoning if necessary.


Once you’ve added the last of the stock, reduce until it’s almost gone and remove the pan from the heat. Add the remaining 2 tbs. of butter and the Parmesan cheese, stirring to incorporate. Finish with little more fresh parsley if you want. Serve/eat immediately.


It’s delicious. I mean it really is. I may have added too much chorizo though when I did this. I just chopped up a whole bunch and threw it in there because it seemed like a great idea. Like I said earlier though, this stuff is huge and will really let itself be known in there. I would have put a little less chorizo in, so the whole ¼ cup thing is more of an estimate right now. It’s just super rich, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Just needed some balance. I think next time I may add a little more white wine towards the end, or maybe even some fresh lemon, just to add some brighter flavors to the final product.

If you give this a try, holler at a Fat Kid.

- Fat Kid




Food Art


No I did not cook that. I wish.

If you need a time-killer, it’s easy to get lost in this blog for a while. This is the blog for the restaurant Town House, located in Chilhowie, Virginia a.k.a. the middle of fucking nowhere? This restaurant is probably the only reason to go to Chilhowie in the first place. It’s probably surrounded by all kinds of farmland and nothingness, which is a good thing, considering that they focus on using local, sustainable ingredients.Their dishes could be hung on a wall in an art gallery. I geek out over the creativity that goes into every little thing.  

Party in Chilhowie this weekend?

- Fat Kid

Friday, December 10, 2010

MONSTER BITCH

Not a whole lot of food/beer related news going on in my life right now, other than the fact that I need to eat/drink considerably less amounts of both of these things. How about some random, angry bullshit?

~

As I settled into my bland, beige colored cubicle this morning, coffee in hand, ready to conquer all things corporate with a fresh Half Windsor applied to my red/plaid-patterned “power tie,” I received my daily agenda notice from Google Calendar, thus prompting this early morning rant.



I’ve clearly had great luck with women, but this one in particular continues to slowly absorb my soul into its clutches as if she were a possessed Scotch-Brite dish sponge.

SallieMae came into my life in the summer of 2007, as I had recently finished my illustrious undergraduate career with a degree in generic, good-luck-applying-this-anywhere bullshit, and was continuing to wait tables at a restaurant most likely created by Satan. On this particular Monday morning serving adventure, I had an epiphany along the lines of “WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE?” Not long after, I was on my way back to school, confident in my decision to spend the rest of my life as a student, which sounded much more enjoyable than dealing with the fat, cranky, shamelessly cheap, small-salad-ordering/iced-tea chugging creatures for another day.

This is around the time where I met her. We met online. She was amazing. She promised me everything. Even promised to aid in the funding my educational endeavors. I would have to pay her back of course, which I always understood. But I couldn't have asked for anything more. Suddenly, all of my financial woes vanished and I’ve been off filling my brain with knowledge ever since.

We went together like beer and peanuts.
Wine and cheese.
Scotch and ice.
Being drunk and smoking cigarettes.

Fast forward to now.

SallieMae has become a living, breathing, monster bitch. It’s not like I’m trying to avoid responsibility and never pay anything back. Ok...maybe that’s not necessarily true, but if I do have to pay her back for the next billion years, I’d at least like her to be organized about it. I mean get your shit together hon. She randomly changes her mind about how much I owe her per month and when it’s due.

Suddenly we’re like vodka and milk.
Gin and coffee.
Rum and babies.
Being drunk and...not smoking cigarettes.

To make things worse, she has really dumb friends. She tells said friends to harass me on a monthly basis, changing my re-payment plan in a whimsical fashion, while generally acting like ignorant fucking ass-clowns on a regular occasion. Need some proof? Have look at the following email chain between me and her friend, Caitlin:

___________________________________________________________

From: xxxxxxxx@GMAIL.COM
Date: 11/10/2010 8:47:44 AM
To: INTERNET-BSS@salliemae.com
Subject: I am/ will be enrolled in school [BSS ID=49335][BSS DATE=11/10/10]
Account No: XXXXXXXXX

Hi. I've noticed my re-payment options have instantly changed again. Just love when that happens. Yesterday my Sallie Mae loan amount for repayment was about $50.00, today it's about $360.00. And...it’s due in 3 days! Oh snap! This is so awesome. Anyways, in the spring I will be taking 6 credits, which will put me back at part-time status. Will my loans go back into deferment automatically at that point? Or will I have to apply again? Also, once I finish grad school next fall, will I get any kind of grace period in regards to my repayment beginning?

Thanks in advance
David C. Lord
____________________________

reply-to: internet-bss@salliemae.com
to: xxxxxxxxx@gmail.com
date: Thu, Nov 11, 2010 at 12:00 PM
subject: Re: I am/ will be enrolled in school [BSS ID=49335][BSS DATE=11/10/10] [#78416]
mailed-bysalliemae.com

Dear Theodore J. Berman,

Thank you for your inquiry and for your business with Sallie Mae.

If your school is a member of the National Student Clearinghouse, it will be necessary for you to have your school update your enrollment information with the Clearinghouse. This information is sent to us electronically and enables us to update your account information and defer your payments. If your school is not a member of the Clearinghouse, you may download a deferment request form from your Manage Your Loans account at our Web site at www.SallieMae.com.

Your Signature Student loan gets only one 6 month grace period. According to our records, your six month grace period began 06/04/09 and ended 12/03/09. When you re-enroll in school, your loans will enter an in school deferment status. This means that once you are no longer enrolled in school, your loans will enter repayment.If we may be of further assistance, please visit our Web site at www.salliemae.com.  

Sincerely,

Caitlin, Your Sallie Mae Email Representative
____________________________

from: xxxxxxxx@gmail.com>
to: internet-bss@salliemae.com
date: Thu, Nov 11, 2010 at 12:07 PM
subject: Re: I am/ will be enrolled in school [BSS ID=49335][BSS DATE=11/10/10] [#78416]
mailed-bygmail.com

Gee thanks for the info Caitlin, but WHO THE HELL IS THEODORE J. BERMAN

Regards,

David C. Lord
____________________________

from: Internet-Bss <internet-bss@salliemae.com>
reply: -tointernet-bss@salliemae.com
to: xxxxxxxx@gmail.com
date: Thu, Nov 11, 2010 at 12:08 PM
subject: Re: I am/ will be enrolled in school [BSS ID=49335][BSS DATE=11/10/10] [#78416]
mailed-bysalliemae.com

Thank you for your email.  We will send a reply as soon as possible.
Please do not respond to this email.  It is an auto-response.  By responding to this email, you could possibly delay the response to your initial inquiry.
____________________________

And that’s that. See what I mean? They can't even get my name right.

So what’s the moral to this story? Stay away from SallieMae. She may seem like the love of your life, but there are probably better options out there.

I think I’ll go eat a block of cheese.

- Fat Kid
























Monday, December 6, 2010

Hangover Helper

I don’t know about you, but for me, food serves as a more than adequate antidote for the increasingly painful and humbling hangover that clearly gets worse with age. As I get older, the required recovery time increases, making the once doable task of leaving the house to track down the perfect greasy hangover remedy a clear-as-day impossibility. So until some alcoholic genius invents the cure for the hangover in pill form, I’m going to have to resort to what I have in the fridge/pantry. In this case, I even planned ahead, picking up some pancetta before the weekend arrived, figuring I’d more than likely be hungover Saturday-Sunday. If you don’t have pancetta in your fridge, use bacon. If you don’t have bacon in your fridge...I would strongly recommend that you do. At all times. It's something that will never let you down.


So here’s what I was working with:

  • Pancetta (or bacon)
  • Pasta (any kind will work)
  • Fresh garlic
  • Extra virgin olive oil
  • Parmesan cheese
  • Crushed red pepper
  • Salt
  • Cracked pepper
  • Dried oregano
  • 1 egg
  • butter

Cook up a few pieces of pancetta until nice and crispy. Slice or break the pancetta up into small pieces and set aside.



Finely chop one large clove of fresh garlic. Set aside.

Boil a pot of water. Once it’s boiling, throw a nice big palm-full of salt in there to season the water and add the pasta. I was only cooking for myself (shocker), so I just eye-balled enough for one person. Plan on cooking the pasta for 2 minutes less than the time it calls for on the box, as you’ll be finishing the pasta off a little later.

Heat the olive oil (about a tbs. or more) in a pan over medium heat. Heat an additional pan over medium heat with a tbs. of butter. As I’m writing this I realize that this sounds complicated. But if my hungover ass could pull this off, I’m pretty sure you can.

When the pasta is done, drain it in a colander and preserve some of the cooking liquid by putting a measuring cup in the bottom of the colander. Like so:





Add the chopped garlic to your pan with the olive oil, and the egg to the pan with the butter.

The garlic will not need to cook for very long. After about the 30 seconds, add the crushed red pepper to the pan, the preserved pancetta, and a tbs. of butter. Once that’s in there and all happy, add the pasta, as well as about a ⅓ cup of the pasta water. Turn the heat up to medium-high, toss that shit around and let the pasta coat itself in all that goodness.



Add a little more fresh olive oil to the pasta, as well as the Parmesan cheese, cracked pepper, oregano and continue tossing. Once all the cheese and the oil are married together, your egg should be about done. Place the pasta in a bowl with the sunny side up cherry on top. This is just what the doctor ordered.





When the yolk breaks and spreads throughout, oozing over the noodles and crispy pancetta, it’s like breakfast had sex with pasta.
In your mouth.


Eat this with a beer and go back to sleep.

Hangover cured.


- Fat Kid


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Beer Friends #2


I went outside of my comfort zone a bit with this one. The label on the back described it as “sunshine in a glass.”

Sounds like a beer for guys with highlights.

Still, I couldn’t help but be intrigued. I’ve always enjoyed the beers out of Brooklyn Brewery, but the Sorachi Ace sounded worthy of popping open over the Thanksgiving holiday, even if it did taste like fluffy clouds and rainbows. This style of beer represents a tradition dating back to 1988, as this hop variety was developed originally by the Japanese brewer, Sapporo. Brooklyn takes these hops and blends them with the same strain they use for their Belgian Ale.

All of this apparently brings the value of this horse shit to around 14 bucks a bottle. I’m not mad because it doesn’t taste good, but...ok let me explain.

Do you like Blue Moon? Cool. Then you’ll love this beer. It tastes like a Florida fucking citrus farm, not just because of the open-hand lemon slap that hits you in the face, but because you also get some fresh cut grass/earthiness rounding out the middle, followed by a finish that leaves your mouth feeling so fresh, you’d swear you just rinsed with lemon pine-sol. I on the other hand, cannot stand Blue Moon. I went through a “look-at-me-with-my-orange-slice-in-my-beer” phase in college where I drank myself sick of this stuff. The Sorachi Ace is brewed in that style. Light. Crisp. Clean.

My Dad said that he’d like to drink this beer after exercising on a hot day.
Alcoholic Gatorade.

Honestly though, this beer is quite refreshing. Pair this with lighter, seafood dishes. I paired it with my mouth/belly. If you like Belgian style ales you’ll certainly enjoy it. I’m just not sure it’s worth the money. I also just found out that these special “Japanese” hops are grown at their own farm in Oregon.

Apparently there are a ton of Japanese people in the diverse city of Salem.

I don’t think I’ve made a definitive point at all here.
Just save your money and drink some stupid Blue Moon.

Not a beer friend.

-Fat Kid

Monday, November 29, 2010

Food Bender

I apologize for the lack of posts lately, but if you know me at all, you’ll understand that I’ve been making out with a turkey the past few days. Thanksgiving was a success of course. I planned on having a big post-turkey day blog offering, consisting of recipes, hits and misses, and other binge eating related adventures, however...

I blacked out.

Somewhere in between the mac and cheese and the corn bread.
The second helping of oneofeverything.
The failed attempt at a scotch tasting.

I woke up Sunday morning in a puddle of my own gravy, shirt soaked in cranberry sauce, surrounded by a graveyard of empty Celebration Ale’s, with vague memories of diving head first into a trough of....

Ok this is getting gross. Obviously I’m kidding but you get the idea. Lot’s of eating/drinking. I’m just going to catch everyone up with some pictures.














Coming soon:

New beer friend.
New recipe.
1st restaurant review.

That is all.

- Fat Kid