Burger Party

As America continues to get fat, the District continues to participate in the ever growing waist-size-expansion by providing us with a plethora of opportunities to consume our nation's greatest contribution to the food world: the burger.

 I'm not complaining.


DC is now home to several burger joints, offering beef-bun-cheese happiness from Capitol Hill to K Street. With this many burger options, it has become clear that I begin a personal Fat Kid mission to taste each and every one of them, with all cholesterol-raising/possible-heart-attack-issues aside.  


We begin with Bobby's Burger Palace.

Pictures courtesy of thankyouverymuchIstolethem

Super-uber-duber chef Bobby Flay has landed in DC with an opening of his latest  burger/shake concept. I have to admit, when I first really started getting into food, I thought this red head freckly-fucker was the second coming of food-Christ. 

Not that he can't cook, but I guess I just got tired of hearing him talk about chipotles and seeing him hang out with bros that look like this. 

Anyways, let's talk about the damn burger. While he offers specialty burgers served with ingredients from their respective American locations, I kept it very simple by going with the "Crunch-burger," topped with double American cheese, pickles, and potato chips. I drizzled on some of his signature "burger sauce" and holyfuckingshit.

This is a good burger. I mean, really good. You can't go wrong with the basic ingredients, as the beef was perfectly seasoned and cooked to a medium-rare, while the chips added a salty crunch, rounded out with the acid of the pickles and the smokiness of the sauce. I wanted/could have eaten maybe like two more, but I needed to make room for the fries, sweet potato fries, onion rings, and malted vanilla/chocolate shake.   

Gross. Did I eat all of this? No I had friends with me. My friends sampled some of the other burger offerings, including:

• The Dallas Burger - Spice Crusted/Coleslaw/Monterey Jack/ BBQ Sauce/Pickles
• The Santa Fe Burger - QuesoSauce/PickledJalapenos/BlueCornChips
• The L.A. Burger - Avocado Relish/Watercress/Cheddar Cheese/Tomato

There were smiles and pleasant groans all around. I could call this the best burger in DC, but that wouldn't be very fair nor accurate, as I have many more to try. 

Next on the list: Shake Shack.

- Fat Kid

Masa 14

In a valiant attempt to resurrect my blog, I'm going to start writing about where I eat as opposed to documenting my Fat Kid cooking adventures. I'm doing so for a couple of reasons:

1. I have officially relocated to D.C., which has resulted in culinary overstimulation due to the abundance eating options. 

2. I live in a studio apartment with a closet-sized kitchen. 

I still cook, I'm just too distracted with the neighborhood eats. Let's begin. 

Following my celebratory first-night-out, which included a trip to the local tequila dungeon and a run in with the overzealous anti-jay-walking D.C. cops, I met up with a couple of friends to ease any lingering hang-over pains with the quick fix solution of bloody marys and brunch. I had heard good things about Masa 14, a collaborative effort from local chefs Richard Sandoval and Kaz Okochi, who comine their minds to produce a latin/asian fusion menu reflective of both culture's culinary traditions. 

I generally find the whole "fusion" thing to be a bit silly, but my hangover distracted me from any preconceived biases and allowed me to focus purely on stuffingmyeffingface.

Masa 14's brunch offering is a serious deal and should be experienced purely based on the $35 fixed menu, consisting of never ending brunch drinks (traditional bloody marys, mimosas, rye-bacon bloody marys, etc.) and an all you can eat selection of their ENTIRE BRUNCH MENU. They specialize in small plates, so this system works great for groups, or one really really fat person. 

However, the food can be hit or miss at times:

Hits:

• Serrano ham flatbread with goat cheese, cantaloupe, arugula, truffle and lime
• Fruit & granola with yuzu yogurt and blood orange syrup
• Grilled chorizo sausage with a poached egg and salsa mexican
• Crunchy shrimp with chipotle aioli, sesame, scallion and masago
• Fried yucca with chimichurri and citrus aiol
• Anson mills grits with chipotle pepper, oaxaca cheese and green onion

Misses:

• Any type of sandwich (including a riff on Vietnamese Pho and a wagyu beef burger). Mainly because of their buns, which crumble too easily.  
• The smoked brisket hash, which sounded promising, but ended up being their homefries with sausage and egg added. 

Clearly the hits outweigh the misses. My friend liked it so much she puked afterwards. We ate a lot. 

Overall, my trip to Masa 14's brunch was a success that resulted in a glorious 3-hour Sunday nap. When you get this much food/drink for only $35, it's a lot easier to let the less impressive moments slide.

Plus they were pumping in this loud, ultra hip house music that made me feel soooooooo cool. 

I'll be back to try the dinner menu. 

- Fat Kid

Blog post for the sake of a blog post

Hello blog. It's been a long time. Clearly, I have been a shitty blogger. I don't even know if I even qualify as a "blogger" anymore, but I'm willing to at least put forth a little more effort than I have in the past few months. 


What follows really isn't even a good blog post, honestly. I probably prepared these pics over a month ago, wanted to blog about it, but the dish kind of sucked so I moved on with my life. And here I am now telling you about a dish that kind of sucks. At least it looks good.


I wanted to do something with scallops, over a salad of watercress, orange, fennel, crushed pistachios and a pomegranate vinaigrette. Sounds pretty damn good right?   

Eh.


It just didn't work out. I couldn't really get the vinaigrette to come together like I wanted. I also left the fennel raw, which was kind of a bad idea. I had these big slices of raw fennel all over the place that really didn't add a nice texture to the plate and on was little on the bitter side. Should have roasted it. 


At least it's pretty. And the scallops themselves were off the chain. 

I swear I can cook some form of interesting/healthy food. I will try again. It's hard not using any butter. 


Or bacon.


Which is probably what this dish was missing.


Problem solved.


- Fat Kid

Booze 101

Join renowned cocktail expert Dale DeGroff at The Passenger (Warehouse Theater, Entry via The Passenger) on Monday, May 9th for a night of education regarding one of America's favorite past-times: drinking. Dale will walk you through cocktail history, allowing you to sample a variety of classic drinks. Appetizers will be served as well. Click here for more info and to purchase tickets. The show goes from 6:30pm-8:30pm and costs $40.00

I've volunteered to help out behind the scenes with my Uncle/mixologist Phil Greene.

Come have some dranks.

- Fat Kid

Trummer's

Clifton, Virginia. Right smack in the middle of...well, nothing. I'm not sure why anyone would want to go here. I mean it's nice to look at. The serene, wooded landscapes, dotted with abnoxiously large dream homes along narrowly winding roads are what define the term "scenic route." So unless you're in the market for a 10,000 square foot mansion that no one will ever want to come hang out in, you're probably not going to spend a whole lot of time in Clifton.

There is however, one bright spot. Within the refurbished Hermitage Inn Restaurant on Main Street is Trummer's, where one of Food and Wine Magazine's best new chef's of 2010 Clayton Miller serves creative, modern American fare. The craft cocktails, the country-home-esque dining room, the endless/addicting rolls and the never-boring dishes are well worth the drive.

This was escargot with potato gnocchi in a chipotle-manchengo froth, topped with a parmesan crisp.

This was baked salmon over oysters and duck confit.

I'm now eager to try the tasting menu, as my server informed me that Miller creates this menu on the fly as each table orders one, with specific dishes he saves especially for this menu.

I honestly don't know what else there is to do in Clifton, so if you stumble upon this town, you need to check out Trummer's. I mean you really don't have a choice.

- Fat Kid

Asian Chipotle

Seeing how Chipotle rarely disappoints my occasional craving for a baby-sized burrito, I am extremely excited to learn that the owners behind this holy franchise have decided to open an Asian themed restaurant. Starting in D.C.

Shophouse Southeast Asian Kitchen is slated to debut in D.C. sometime this summer. They still plan on applying their fast-casual restaurant model using fresh, sustainable ingredients. However, they'll serving food representative of traditional shophouses found in countries such as Thailand, Malaysia, and Vietnam.

I really don't think they can mess this up.

- Fat Kid

Pasta Porn?

Here's a great way to kill some time at work on a Friday. The folks at Grub Street put together a list of the 101 best pasta dishes in America.

Here's to being productive.

http://newyork.grubstreet.com/2011/04/101_best_pastas.html

- Fat Kid

I Am Not Thomas Keller

Among the others on the list of restaurants I must experience before I die, The French Laundry resides very close to the top and with good reason. Located in Napa Valley and long regarded as one of the best restaurants in the world, Thomas Keller creates a new 9-course tasting menu each day, in which no single ingredient is repeated throughout the meal.

I've never even been to California, which is a problem in itself, but when I do get there, I'm taking my ass to Napa and eating at this restaurant. So maybe eating here before I die isn't quite the best description. I need to go to California soon, which means I'll probably eat here within the next 5 years. And if I can't get anyone to go with me, I'll have a lovely evening with myself and my credit card.

Since I can't hop on a plane to Napa this weekend, I decided that buying the French Laundry Cookbook and imitating these often intimidating recepies was my best and only option. This is the best kind of cooking, as a lot of these recepies will take you all day to complete, which represents one of my favorite anti-social weekend activites. At the end of the day, my results were pretty good, but clearly no where close to the real deal.

Whipped brie with home made croutons, balsamic reduction and watercress. Success.

Crispy skinned halibut, spinach with orange zest, parsnip puree and a vanilla safron sauce. I fucked up the sauce as it completely fell apart on me, so it's basically melted butter with vanilla and saffron. Mild success.

I had more halibut, so I used it again for this recepie, served over parsley oil and this creamy orzo with mascarpone cheese and a parmesan crisp. Rock and roll.



Leftover parsely oil and balsamic reduction went into this roasted beet salad with pistachio crusted goat cheese.

The hours I put in to all this stuff resulted in a very rewarding payoff, but I really need to go to California already. I mean I can play rock-star-chef all day long in my little Fat Kid fantasy world, but in the end this was more Rolling-Stone-cover-bandish. Easily satisfying, but not quite right, leaving me wanting the real thing more than ever.

I'm booking plane tickets now.

- Fat Kid

Magic Pigs

If you don't like bacon, you're weird. Or a vegetarian. Which is also weird. But enough about that.

I love bacon. Not so much that I'd rock a bacon tuxedo like the kids above, but there probably isn't a more perfect natural food known to man. I don't really think I need to elaborate on this.

I've eaten lots of it, but I really feel a need to talk about this particular brand.

The bacon from Niman Ranch is by far the greatest bacon I've ever had in my life. It's kind of hard to explain. You really just need to experience this for yourself. This stuff has a superior flavor and texture compared to any other bacon out there. I know you're thinking, "It's bacon. All bacon tastes like...bacon."

No. It doesn't. This is different.

I swear this stuff comes from magic fucking pigs. If Jesus got bored in heaven and decided he wanted to adopt pigs as pets, it would be these pigs.

Magic-fucking-Jesus-pigs-from-heaven, producing the greatest tasting bacon on the planet.

I just took a bunch of pictures of it, because it's a beautiful thing.

 













This thick-cut-pork-magic crisps up perfectly while maintaining a slight chewiness, which is not something I've normally encountered. Not to mention the deep, almost bbq-like smoke flavor unlike any other bacon I've had. You can find it at Whole Foods.

Thank you Jesus.

- Fat Kid

Watch My Sodium

Salt is great. Let's blog about it.

What the hell is this thing?

It's a giant fucking block of salt. That's right. A Himalayan salt block, which actually serves as a cooking surface. I've had this thing for a couple of years now and have honestly only used it a couple of times. It's definitely more of a novelty item, but whenever I use it, I'm extremely happy that I did.

There's no need to really season your food when you cook with this thing. It naturally imparts a mineraly, salty flavor to whatever you throw on top of it. You can bake food with it in the oven, sautee on top of your gas range, or use it as a fancy schmancy serving platter for cheeses or sushi. I decided to go with some shrimp.

Heat the salt plate up slowly, over a medium flame. You don't want direct flame on this thing, as it will cause it to crack. I know this because mine already has a giant crack in it. Give it like 15 minutes to heat up and throw your shrimp on there.

Since this was a lower level of heat, I cooked these things for around 5-8 minutes, turning them on each side to give them some salt love, and even setting them on their tops for a minute to make sure they were evenly cooked all around.

 

I then placed a couple of avacados in the food processor, with fresh basil, jalepeno, garlic, salt and pepper and pureed with olive oil until there was a happy consistency.

 

 I put it all together and snacked my face off.

This salt block thing is pretty cool. It really imparts an awesome, earthy salt flavor to food. I just need to find some more ways to use it before I break it. Or eat it.

That is all.

- Fat Kid

Last Meal

As some of you may well know, I recently embarked on a foolish quest to rid my body of the foul toxins related to the most wonderful problem solver on earth: alcohol. It's been 8 days since my last favorite beverage, and I must say that I can’t remember being more weirded out than when I woke up this past Saturday without the slightest inkling of a hangover. This re-invented version of a Saturday morning revealed the rarely-experienced world of…actually doing something with your free time.

It’s amazing how much you can get done when you aren’t dehydrated, nauseous, suffering from the booze-headache-from-hell, or planning the rest of the day around when you can start drinking again to trick that stubborn hangover into relaxing for a little while. At least until Sunday morning.

But let’s take a step back. Prior to waking up into the sober world, I needed a proper send off. This involved drinking several of my favorite beers, and even incorporating beer into the cooking process of a delicious meal.

And here we go.

• 1 beer
• 3 beef short-ribs (or more, you could probably use up to 6 for this)
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 2 carrots, chopped
• 3 celery stalks, chopped
• 4 garlic cloves, chopped
• 3 bay leaves
• 3 sprigs of fresh thyme
• 1 box of beef stock
• salt
• pepper
• olive oil

Pre heat the oven to 350.

Generously season the short ribs with salt and pepper. Heat a skillet over medium-high heat, coating the bottom of the pan with the olive oil. Once the pan is hot enough, add the short ribs. I recommend browning these things a little slower than you would traditionally do with say, a steak. Instead of a high-heat-2-minute-per-side-sear, let these things brown over medium-high heat for about 6-7 minutes per side. This meat benefits from a slower cooking process, as there are a great deal of tougher areas that need to be broken down to get this thing to fall apart on your plate. Am I an expert on this? Fuck no I’m not. But I’ve done this and it works, so take my word for it.

Once you've browned each side, remove the ribs from the skillet and set them aside for later. Set the heat to medium low, and add your onion, celery, and carrot to the skillet. Season with salt and pepper and cook very slowly, allowing the veggies to sweat. I know sweating veggies sounds gross but that's just what you're supposed to do. This sweating step should take about 20 minutes. Add the garlic to the party at about the 10 minute mark. 

Once the veggies are tender, add your beef stock, beer, bay leaves, and thyme sprigs. What kind of beer do you ask? Well that's really up to you. This being my last night of drinking, I made sure to grab one of my favorite IPAs. 

You could probably use any beer of your choice. You could also probably add more than one. I was not about to not-drink more than one of these though. Selfish me. 

Bring the newly added liquid element to a boil. 

Return the short ribs to their happy-beefy-beer-bath, cover the skillet with tin foil, and put the whole damn thing in the oven and let those bad boys braise (make sure you place the skillet on the lower part of the oven). Now you'll have some beer-drinking time to kill. 

I forgot to mention that this whole process kind of takes forever. 

Leave the ribs covered for 90 minutes. At the 90 minute mark, remove the tin foil and continue braising for an additional 45 minutes, turning the ribs occasionally. The sauce should have reduced by half when it's all said and done. 


And try not to open the oven too often. You want to keep it hot in there so that the liquid remains nice and bubbly throughout the process, slowly reducing down. The reason mine doesn't look so bubbly here is because I kept opening the oven to take silly pictures. 

Now turn the broiler on high and broil the ribs for about 8 minutes, turning if need be, and basting with the liquid as you go. You want to kind of glaze the ribs with the liquid, while the high heat allows everything to get nice and crispy. Once you're truly happy with your crispiness action, you're ready to serve that ish. 


So what should you serve this with? I don't know, something creamy and mashy to soak up all that delicious sauce. Mashed potatoes, polenta, or a puree of some kind. I cooked some  butternut squash with some butter, bacon, and garlic until soft, then added it all to the food processor and pureed with a stream of olive oil until I was happy with the consistency. 

Serve the ribs with your creamy/mashy side-of-choice, and make sure to spoon out some of the veggies from the braising liquid, as well as the liquid itself. 

The ribs will practically jump off of the bone at this point. 


This was delicious. However, the extended cooking time allowed for a shit ton of beer drinking, which may have allowed me to be even more excited about the end result. You really can't fuck this up though. This is a pretty classic preparation for short-ribs.  


The next couple of things I cook and write about in the near future will not be influenced by alcohol in any way, so I can be pretty definitive regarding it's success. Or failure. 


Cheers to nothing.


- Sober Kid