I Love Beer

All of it in general. However, I love a particular beer on a completely different level. In the early to mid weeks of November, breweries around the country release their annual holiday beers. More often than not, brew-masters jam pack these concoctions with flavors of orange peel, nutmeg, cinnamon, coriander and other spice cupboard nonsense in an attempt to conjure nostalgic yule-tide cheer in the form of a 6-pack.

Now don’t get me wrong, in no way am I against this idea. First of all, I love Christmas. As the holiday season begins with Thanksgiving, the remaining weeks transform me from a cynical 26 year-old Grinch into a giddy 9-year-old boy via the accompanying traditions of tree decorating, unhealthy eating, considerably raised levels of alcohol consumption, and stop-motion Rudolph-the-red-nose-reindeer movies.

I become Ralphie Parker from A Christmas Story.



With that being said, the incorporation of Christmas specific flavors to my pint glass sounds like a no-brainer. In some cases, these beers are actually quite good. With one sip, I’m transported to a winter fucking wonderland, complete with chestnuts roasting, jingle bells jingling, and visions of passing out underneath the multi-colored glow of a fully trimmed and over-sized Colorado Blue Spruce.

At no other time of the year am I in this good of a mood when I’m hung over.

What changes this mood however, are said beers with over-the-top spice notes and overpowering chocolate malt sweetness, where the only thing missing is a peppermint curly straw and a gingerbread rimmed glass. I’ll drink one, but it will only make me yearn for something better. Something that, for me, represents the arrival of the most wonderful time of the year. Ladies and gentlemen, that something is none other than my favorite beer in the world:



I mean just look at the pretty red box. Slap a green bow on it and slide it under my tree and I’ll think that Santa delivered it personally. The picture on the label is so quaint and Christmasy, I’m convinced that it’s actually a picture of Santa’s house,  painted by sugar plum fairies or jolly little elves alike. It’s probably brewed by either Buddy the Elf, Bob Cratchit, or even Frosty the Snowman himself.

They’d serve this shit on the Polar Express.

If you’re a beer drinker and have never tasted Sierra Nevada’s Celebration Ale, it’s time to fix that situation, and quickly. My outlandish praise for this beer remains somewhat biased however, due to the fact that I have an affinity for really hoppy beer. I want a beer to smack me in the face with big hoppy flavor, and at 6.8% ABV, that’s exactly what this one IPA in particular can do. Some IPA’s deliver nothing but hops, but this beer rounds out with some bright citrus flavors, followed by a long, dry and piney finish that truly knocks my fucking socks off. Pour me an olympic-sized pool of this stuff and watch me swim the 500 meter better than Michael Phelps.

Did I just go from talking about drinking beer to swimming in beer?

Yes. Yes I did.

Doggie paddling around through this stuff demonstrates an act of disrespect. If one were to swim in this beer, you would have to do it in one of two ways. Allow me to elaborate:

1. The backstroke would definitely be appropriate, as it’s quite relaxing, and one can gracefully glide backwards over little foamy beer waves while loudly singing “Joy to the World.”

2. The butterfly serves as the only other acceptable stroke for the completion of this activity. Why? Because one could triumphantly splash in and out of hoppy-beer-pool-glory, while even taking a giant gulp here and there, just because....

What the fuck am I talking about?

I recently found out that this beer contains a whopping 214 calories a pop, but if you’re a fat kid like myself, this is clearly a non-issue. So this Christmas season, while you’re sitting on the couch amongst the comforting bear hug of a slowly burning yule log, crack open one of these bad boys and brace yourself for the epic flavor rocket that blasts off in your mouth.

You might want to bring a bathing suit.